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A Night Like This…

Rants of a Virgo

The day begins. It is bright with sunshine and it smells like sweet grass. The hours pass by in my manic blur. All I recall is happiness before the dusk settles in and night falls. The night brings sticky, humid air. It’s dark with too much silence in my world. Inside my mind, the wheels turn and I start to think. When you rise to a feeling of euphoria only to crash moments later as an overwhelming anguish settles in, thinking takes on a new meaning. I analyze every word of every conversation I had that day, that week, even … Continue reading A Night Like This…

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Fade To Black…

Rants of a Virgo

Erratic. Loud. Amazing. Callous. Cold. Spoiled. Beautiful. Manic. Crazy.   These words have been used to describe me, label me, and judge me. When one does not understand something, the first instinct is to attempt to classify it into something comprehensible. The labels were an attempt to position me into a niche I simply do not fit. In essence, I am a circle trying to fit into a square. During my teen years, I flew from wild thought to wild thought. Onto my next manic adventure, I chose love as my high of choice. The first infatuation was a euphoria … Continue reading Fade To Black…

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For What It’s Worth …

Rants of a Virgo

For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If … Continue reading For What It’s Worth …

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Catching Up

Rants of a Virgo

Before I was diagnosed as bipolar, I had the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps I was having a bad day, I was just moody, I some up on the wrong side of the bed. I had an excuse for being extremely happy and then despondently sad. My excuses were my security. As it evolved, it went from a bad day to a bad decade. I sometimes miss those excuses. I am still learning about my triggers, trying different medicine, and taking it one day at a time. As it stands, I cannot differentiate between spiralling into depression or simply having … Continue reading Catching Up

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Regrets and Lessons

Rants of a Virgo

As I sit in my bedroom, pitch dark except for the glow of my smartphone, I could not help but think of regret. Now, with my oh so sunny disposition and delightful demeanor, how could I have any upsetting thoughts or regrets? I confess; I do. I regret letting that one kid cheat off my test in seventh grade because I thought it would increase my  social standing of the middle school hierarchy. I regret not reading more books during my summer vacations- getting swept away in the lives of the characters in our favorite books, eventually becoming old friends. … Continue reading Regrets and Lessons

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Such Is Life

Rants of a Virgo

We have fleeting moments in our existence. They are like grains of sand, slipping by quickly, transient. In these moments, we meet people. These individuals may be friend or nemesis, or merely someone who says something meaningful at the water cooler. How can only a few minutes out of the millions we have impact us so deeply? Such is life. In life, people say things they mean in the moment, perfectly serious in that time. What we must understand is that it is okay to believe them. Though some people in our lives will not be lifelong players on our … Continue reading Such Is Life

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Chemistry of Depression

Rants of a Virgo

The problem with looking back is seeing your mistakes; the people you left behind and vice versa. I cannot put into words the pain I feel on a near constant basis. Is it chemical like they say? Will a tiny pill make all these sensations go away? I like to hope so. That’s the thing about hope. We cling to it, even at our most illogical. I don’t know if my life’s journey and my decisions make me fall into this abyss. I only know I feel desperation to be validated in some point. I feel like I can be … Continue reading Chemistry of Depression

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Witching Hour Lullaby

Rants of a Virgo

Long after the witching hour When I should be in slumber As my heart is so tired I lay awake Glancing from time to time At my memories Like a bedtime story They are a lovely lullaby Can you feel a physical pain When your heart aches just so In this moment Its the only sensation I know I know your mind wanders Its often to me If you’re being truthful You know its where You ought to be Continue reading Witching Hour Lullaby

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Read Between My Pages

Rants of a Virgo

Ivory cover Golden top The book is lovely to behold In between the pages If you read between the lines You see the lies Smudged ink Where tears fell But the story ends happily Was it you or was it me Promises we believe To get thru the day But we know that it only fades away The pages read differently to your eyes Than mine I ponder if those eyes look away from mine Too blue to stare into Oh doll… What chapter are you on? My story is never ending Never ceasing Am I a drama? Fantasy? Mystery? … Continue reading Read Between My Pages