Some people are naturally selfish. Drawing on your energy and your empathy until there is nothing left. They’ll pretend to care but in reality you are methadone when they want heroin. Don’t be fooled by this facade. It’s dirty, leads to troubled roads and is never what it appears to be. They only care for their own needs, simply feigning to do so in the guise of sympathy in order to gain access to your empathy so that they may drain you dry. They’ll never care. They’ll never be the fantasy you build in your head. You will never even … Continue reading Poison In The Air

Bitter cold on my skin I long to lie beneath again Kept warm by the sweetest sin This imbalance in my mind Reaches down into my soul I feel the reigns letting go Tie me down Press me against the wall Are you holding me up Or am I starting to fall Bitter memories You never knew The way you touched me You can’t undo Sweet addiction beckoning me closer I feel the taste I feel the high I know I’ll fall to pieces after all the lies This shattered mirror Reflecting back at me I’m standing still No longer … Continue reading Shatter Me Not

August 3rd was a day I marked on my calendar very early this year. It was my graduation day. The sleepless nights, anxiety, mania and exhaustion were battle scars and my diploma was my victory. As I watched my fellow classmates enroll in campus classes, I remained in my online classes, content to be in the safety of my little house. I only had to drive to campus for supervised exams and then I got to go home again. As summer passed, August loomed closer and my excitement mounted. I bought my cap and gown. There were announcements with my … Continue reading Social Anxiety Meets Graduation 

Mental illness hurts.  No, I’m serious, it hurts.  After many years of suffering mental symptoms, I sought refuge in a great psychiatrist and primary care physician and we have worked closely to create a treatment plan to assist me in living my best life. At first, it was great. However, after the initial relief of treatment began to wane, I began to notice little things that seemed unrelated to my mental illnesses. My heart would race and palpitate. I was suffering from terrible night sweats and insomnia. I could not even concentrate on the most simple task and the icing … Continue reading Let’s Get Physical… 

Endocrinologist.  Primary care physicians. Psychiatrist.  Endocrinologist again.  CT scans. MRIs. Blood tests and stool samples <– because that one was fun to say. All to find out why I’m in constant pain. Why my joints ache. Why my muscles are weak. Why my heart races. Why I’m so fatigued I can’t get out of bed.  I take their medications, I just through their hoops and for what? No answers. I feel like I’ve taken dozens of tests (which in retrospect I have) and I don’t know if I’m passing or failing.  Today was shit. Like, I have the whole gratitude … Continue reading Current Situation 

Waiting on something to happen; I don’t know what it is. Ever get that feeling in the pit of your stomach that everything you’ve ever known is about to be turned on its head? I couldn’t keep it in my mind any longer. I have to express this mysterious intuition to someone, anyone and in this day and age, the entire internet seems as good a forum as any.  Continue reading Waiting