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Fleeting

Rants of a Virgo

Your voice, so cold I cannot hear for the wind Echoes so distant Yet I remember our sin Whispers in my path Warnings Cautions I cannot say I was not told to guard myself Along the path I walked I did not see the hole I only recall the spiral, the descent into Wonderland The ice slowly thawed ‘Round your beating heart A caress in passing A kiss in plain view An embrace to match For a moment, I was so content with you An outstretched hand covered mine As lyrics, music, and air passed over us in the dark … Continue reading Fleeting

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Eye of the Beholder

Rants of a Virgo

Our eyes are the windows to the soul. Our eyes are a connection of nerve endings connected to our brain which is then translated into what we “see.” Our eyes are beautiful, blue, green, brown, grey, black, hazel, and lovely to stare into. These amazing orbs everyone possesses … And yet, they can be far-sighted, nearsighted, and blind. They can miss so much. I am not perceptive as to what keeps me from my goal. In many ways, I am certain I stand in my own way. I say things I should not, lack social graces, and do not understand … Continue reading Eye of the Beholder

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China Doll

Rants of a Virgo

2am seems like my own witching hour. It is quiet and my mind is not. I have a need that despite my many sources, is not filled. When did I begin my spiral? I do not recall. I was on a search for a feeling, any feeling, other than the lovely numbness my medicine gave me. Though the dual powers inside myself were placated by an endless dosage of pills designed to quell my inner demons, there remained a shred of rebellion. On a logical plane, I am aware the damage my search causes. I am frozen, but for one … Continue reading China Doll

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Bipolar vs. Bitch

Rants of a Virgo

I’d like to establish my perspective… Seems an appropriate venue for that. I have a bipolar condition and struggle every day. There are occasions where I act in a manner that is in conflict with my natural personality. This is not to excuse rude behavior, but merely to illustrate there are episodes in which I’m certainly not myself. Having addressed that, there are absolutely times I’m a bitch. I have loved ones and friends who assert I am a kind, loving person who is generous and giving to those she loves. Yet, I’ve come into many friendships, relationships, and other … Continue reading Bipolar vs. Bitch

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Burn

Rants of a Virgo

On a cold December day I awaken to a smile I was told good morning beautiful As the tapestry is woven, you trap me in along the way Clandestine meeting for the first time Nervous, unsure We circle like a battlefield, waiting on the first blow  My hips wrapped around yours, I am lifted against the pillar Your lips deliver a crushing strike Frantic skin and an addiction form Weeks go by, the good morning beautiful falls by the way side Your lips no longer touch mine You write poetry of masks and fallen walls But you run away I … Continue reading Burn

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Making A Mess.

Rants of a Virgo

Messes. We make them. We clean them up. Hell, some of us are messes. I have a point of utter frustration I do not understand. I would dearly love too, but cannot, despite my best efforts. I am not a coordinated person. I forget things, I pay bills late, sometimes I eat cereal for dinner, and I can cry in the middle of public during a panic attack. My anxiety and bipolar disorder are crosses I carry. Having said that, I take medicine religiously. I follow a routine. I do everything I am “supposed” to do to manage my mental … Continue reading Making A Mess.

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I Am Still Here

Rants of a Virgo

Twenty four. This is how many hours are in one day. One day to show you how far you can fall, you far you have come, and how arrogant to think there is any distance between the two. Imagine if you will, a constant onslaught of whips and lashes, with no break in between. Scars on your back, the thickness of skin necessary to live a life like mine or yours. I can’t count how many times I’ve bled, at my own hand or that of life. I cannot count the amount of times I have not eaten, trying to … Continue reading I Am Still Here

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You Can’t Take Away My Colors

Rants of a Virgo

Died. Dyed. We call words like these homophones. They sound the same, but look different. This post started because of an odd act a friend seemed to take issue with: I dyed part of my hair purple. Granted, its not a traditional color and it will stand out in most crowds, but I did not realize it would be received with scathing disapproval. It’s hair. It is cut, it grows, it falls out, it does any number of things. Thus, I offer the explanation I gave them. For the better part of a year I was a redhead. It was … Continue reading You Can’t Take Away My Colors

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Unrequited.

Rants of a Virgo

When you have bipolar disorder, love can take become an inferno that eventually engulfs its victims. Each party is left with scars and memories. Some love stories are not happily ever after. They are the short stories that remind us what we are capable of. I do not want labels. I do not define my life in absolutes. I want one perfect kiss in time, to reach for in the farthest corners of my mind when I need a kiss oh so badly, but there is no one there. I want a kiss that can sustain the moments in between. … Continue reading Unrequited.

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t-r-u-s-t.

Rants of a Virgo

Trust. T. R. U. S. T. It’s this simple, five letter word which holds so much meaning. You lose it, you gain it, you break it and you restore it. Trust is a very resilient ideal. When you are bipolar, riddled with an anxiety disorder, trust becomes a battleground. Who to tell, who to lean on, and yes, who to trust. I shall even take it a step further. What happens when the person you cannot trust is yourself? The line is blurred. I question the most basic fundamentals in my life. I procrastinate major decisions to ensure my mood … Continue reading t-r-u-s-t.