Broken.

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Photo by lalesh aldarwish on Pexels.com

Our ordinary days. Each one filled with obligations, stress, and hopefully, a moment of laughter. I am of a school of thought that is optimistic, despite heartbreak and disappointment, that we all deserve and are entitled to be loved and wanted. On one of your ordinary days, there will be one person that makes this day different. It will be a feeling or sense you are unable to shake, but also cannot put it into words. As the hours and days go by, that moment will fall by the wayside as life goes on and we place that moment on the back burner. You will come across this person time and time again, and this sense that you are inexplicably drawn to them will increase. Others will be around, but somehow become background noise. You are very aware of their presence. As time goes on, scars are formed from past pains. Abilities to trust our intuition is muted. We rely on outward sources to determine our happiness. Thus, it is like two feral animals staring each other down, unable to determine if the other is friend or foe. So, they stay rooted in one spot. Someone has to take a first step. When we are so broken and we put ourselves back together from the shattered remnants of our previous selves, we believe we are ugly and not to be looked upon. We believe the lies in our heads that tell us we are unworthy, unwanted, and undeserving of love. With our self imposed disfigurement, we create a mask upon we wish the world to view us. There is energy, effort and time invested in these masks. We convince ourselves if our true selves are seen, that we will be rejected because of the nasty scars and broken pieces. There is a truth here we must acknowledge. Everyone is broken.

 

Everyone is broken in their own way.

 

There will be those who have more remnants and shattered scars than others, but the key to understanding that the pieces belong to who we were before. We make the mistake of trying to put these particulates into their previous form, but they are forever altered. They can never fit into the mold they were once cast in. I think we should take our pieces and treat them like a puzzle. Each one fits another. It may be missing something in one form or another, but we have rebuilt ourselves into something stronger and something else. We have evolved past the delicate and fragile creation we previously were. We must have enough faith in our own intelligence, our own intuition, and ourselves to realize that the broken pieces that turn into puzzle pieces fit into something unique and beautiful to who we are as a person. One day, not today, not tomorrow, we can remove our masks and look at the world with hope and happiness and the other lines the greeting card companies like to sell us on. Simply because what we want is not forever, it does not take away or make it any less real than a forever story. Lessons are seasons, meant to prepare us for the future.  

 

Tonight I choose hope. I may be burned, tossed by the wayside by life, and in great pain. However, I choose to trust myself tonight and the choices I have made and will make going forward. I take a risk, I toss the dice, and let the chips fall where they may.

 

 

 

Originally posted on Facebook 4/2015

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