Boundaries

Let’s talk about bound- duh- rees BAAaaabbbBBYYYY let’s talk about you and me… So, with that musical intro, let’s discuss boundaries. When we make a decision for setting boundaries, concise communication is quite important. As a sufferer of rapid cycling bipolar disorder, I have had my own set of issues marking those lines I cannot allow to be crossed in my life. Bear in mind we must remain steadfast in our resolve when those boundaries are crossed. If it’s crossed and we continue to allow the transgression to continue, our words which once held so much power, are simply empty … Continue reading Boundaries

Personification.

I want to write you I want to write you into darkness Disappear into blackness I’d have you write your lyrics on your wrists To be sung about on the Styx I want you to disappear into oblivion No Heaven No Hell Simply you alone with your thoughts Always. Depression is a blackguard that will steal your joy. Depression, if anything, is the utter absence of hope. Imagine awaking each day, with no hope… that each day will blur the line into the next and only slumber separates you. If Continue reading Personification.

Shining A Light

    Today has been a no spoon day. There is no silverware in the drawer. I have spent nearly two days in bed. My depression is severe and my thoughts have been dangerous and deadly. In an attempt to feel something as I have always responded to music, I turned on The Grammys and my heart fluttered for the first time in weeks. Lady GaGa and Bradley Cooper had won the Best Pop Duo/Group Performance and she went onstage to accept. In her acceptance, this light she is under, this moment for her to glow like the incredible woman … Continue reading Shining A Light

THANK U, NEXT

“You’re the one I want to want.” “I’m not ready for a relationship, but we can be friends.” “You’re great, really… I’m just not feeling a connection…” All very tactful ways of saying, “he/she is just not that into you…” They wrote books and there’s even a movie about it. So, why don’t we listen? It seems simple: we don’t want to. We want to believe we are the exception and with the right amount of kindness and patience, we can convince this person we are the unconditional love in their life they’ve searched for? It’s excruciating. It is a … Continue reading THANK U, NEXT

Broken.

Our ordinary days. Each one filled with obligations, stress, and hopefully, a moment of laughter. I am of a school of thought that is optimistic, despite heartbreak and disappointment, that we all deserve and are entitled to be loved and wanted. On one of your ordinary days, there will be one person that makes this day different. It will be a feeling or sense you are unable to shake, but also cannot put it into words. As the hours and days go by, that moment will fall by the wayside as life goes on and we place that moment on … Continue reading Broken.

I Don’t Know How I’m Suppose To Feel

I was dressed for the movies. I was getting ready to walk out the door to watch the early exploits of RBG. I got a message. I made a call. That’s how I found out my best friend from childhood and my early teenage years was gone, never to grace this earth with his presence again. I felt nothing. My hands grew numb. My feet became numb and my legs were air. It was a concerted effort to stand. In the span of a few minutes, I’d forgotten to breathe. I inhaled a gasp of air and my lungs felt … Continue reading I Don’t Know How I’m Suppose To Feel

What No One Tells You…

  What no one tells you about having mental illness is the sheer madness of it. It’s a mental illness, but so much of it is not mental. My body aches. It feels like the flu. I never know when to point the finger to my fibromyalgia or when to point the finger to depression. Or perhaps I ought to point it back to me. I ate processed foods yesterday. They’re inflammatory, aren’t they? Maybe if I ate clean…  Maybe. Maybe if I had a gratitude journal… will writing down what I am grateful for make my joints pop any less? … Continue reading What No One Tells You…

Marilyn.

  I will never be prim. I will never be proper. I will never be prim and proper. Fitting in… fading into the background… is simply not something I do. I do not think I can do it. I am loud. I am opinionated. I am “too much” and in the same essence, I am not enough. I will never be enough because in this Southern world in which I live, I am a circle and they want a square. It will not fit. I refuse to change myself to fit the definition others write for my life. I feel … Continue reading Marilyn.