Sometimes you know the white rabbit has his grip and is pulling you downward into the rabbit hole. The length of days is longer; my resolve melting away. This demon, this depression taking hold and I’m slipping. My grip is weak as is my mind, body, and spirit. The hopelessness is all encompassing. I just want to know… Is there hope? Will I stop feeling so broken and hopeless and empty one day? Continue reading Slipping.
Cue the pictures of the beautiful home. My son is smart, resourceful, well-liked and cute. My SO is every dream I’ve ever dreamed in the history of always for how I’d be loved and wanted. My friends are happy and smiling people. It’s Christmas and our home is filled with elves on shelves, twinkle lights, hidden gifts and cookies for Santa. Tell me then, why on this beautiful and star encrusted December night I can think of nothing more than not waking up tomorrow because each day is more painful than the previous. My bipolar depression does not care if … Continue reading Twinkle Lights
A former life now unknown city of people burning beneath the righteous steeple formerly a missus latterly dismissed this hidden guise seen for the first time with these ocean eyes where lines are blurred colors sit in gray shades … Continue reading Burn
I take another pill To wash away the pain How can I abstain When I can’t stand still Too many noises Too many voices The panic attack begins Onslaught On shot On point Target in the middle of my chest … Continue reading Pillz.
I’m on a precipice. The only way to go is down. Jumping seems like a good idea. Until I realized the edge was merely the ground. Continue reading Precipice
Ever have that one person … That one person in your life who is always there, out of reach but right around the corner… She always seems so inevitable. I just don’t think I’ve met her yet. Continue reading Inevitably Yours…
Your voice, so cold I cannot hear for the wind Echoes so distant Yet I remember our sin Whispers in my path Warnings Cautions I cannot say I was not told to guard myself Along the path I walked I did not see the hole I only recall the spiral, the descent into Wonderland The ice slowly thawed ‘Round your beating heart A caress in passing A kiss in plain view An embrace to match For a moment, I was so content with you An outstretched hand covered mine As lyrics, music, and air passed over us in the dark … Continue reading Fleeting
Our eyes are the windows to the soul. Our eyes are a connection of nerve endings connected to our brain which is then translated into what we “see.” Our eyes are beautiful, blue, green, brown, grey, black, hazel, and lovely to stare into. These amazing orbs everyone possesses … And yet, they can be far-sighted, nearsighted, and blind. They can miss so much. I am not perceptive as to what keeps me from my goal. In many ways, I am certain I stand in my own way. I say things I should not, lack social graces, and do not understand … Continue reading Eye of the Beholder
2am seems like my own witching hour. It is quiet and my mind is not. I have a need that despite my many sources, is not filled. When did I begin my spiral? I do not recall. I was on a search for a feeling, any feeling, other than the lovely numbness my medicine gave me. Though the dual powers inside myself were placated by an endless dosage of pills designed to quell my inner demons, there remained a shred of rebellion. On a logical plane, I am aware the damage my search causes. I am frozen, but for one … Continue reading China Doll
I’d like to establish my perspective… Seems an appropriate venue for that. I have a bipolar condition and struggle every day. There are occasions where I act in a manner that is in conflict with my natural personality. This is not to excuse rude behavior, but merely to illustrate there are episodes in which I’m certainly not myself. Having addressed that, there are absolutely times I’m a bitch. I have loved ones and friends who assert I am a kind, loving person who is generous and giving to those she loves. Yet, I’ve come into many friendships, relationships, and other … Continue reading Bipolar vs. Bitch
Rants Of A Virgo 