I take my thyroid medicine almost every day. I take my mood stabilizer every night.
I understand the medical reasons behind why I am this way. I cry at a wall, unable to get out of bed. I have no interest in life. I don’t sleep. When I do sleep, I am barely able to wake up. I think about taking a blade across my wrists daily, an image in my head.
I read the stats. I try exercise for a few months, eventually losing the energy to even go for a walk. I buy fruits and vegetables, walk by processed food, try supplements. I go to therapy. I talk about my feelings.
However, I can still tell you how many tiles are on my ceiling. I count them every single night and day I don’t sleep. I’m lost and don’t know a way out. Hope will be here with the sunlight, but its hours away.